Oh fellow coffee lovers, gather 'round and hear my cry! For too long have we suffered the insult of cold brew and iced coffee. These abominations, masquerading as "coffee," are nothing but watered-down mockeries of the glorious beverage we hold dear.

It is time, my friends, to MAKE COFFEE HOT AGAIN! To stand up against the tyranny of these frigid impostors and reclaim our rightful place as the supreme rulers of the coffee realm.

Firstly, let us address the issue of iced coffee. This is nothing but a pale imitation of the rich, bold flavors that hot coffee has to offer. It is a diluted and overhyped version of the real thing, designed to appeal to those who prefer their coffee weak and watery. We will not fall for this trap!

And as for cold brew, what is the point? The very essence of coffee is its ability to warm and invigorate us, to drive away the chill of morning and awaken our senses. How can one truly experience this when drinking from a frozen cup? Cold brew is little more than a tepid token of our love for coffee, a feeble attempt to replicate the magic of a well-made espresso or drip brew.

But fear not, dear friends! For we shall overcome this affront to our taste buds and the noble tradition of coffee-making. With determination and resolve, we shall MAKE COFFEE HOT AGAIN!

We shall reject the mass-produced, pre-packaged coffees that dominate the shelves of our stores. We shall seek out the small batch roasters, the artisanal blends, and the handcrafted pour-overs. We shall celebrate the distinctiveness of the coffee world, and revel in the complexity and beauty of each unique mug of hot coffee.

So join me, brothers and sisters, in this righteous struggle! Let us raise our cups high and shout it to the heavens: MAKE COFFEE HOT AGAIN!

For the glory of coffee, for the joy of drinking it piping hot, and for the honor of all things caffeinated, we shall triumph!